Yesterday was indeed a pineapple, as many of you guessed.



Today is lucky turkeys!

No slush stats today! But Query Project is still going strong.

I've made a couple small changes to the "how to submit" section, mostly just removing agency things, but it's probably time for a good revision on that. Anything you think I need to address eventually?

My comments are in [brackets] . As always, I haven't read these yet. These are my reactions as I read them.

--

#29 (Pretty sure I've read this one.)

Dear Jodi,

Shayla Carver, undercover agent and master assassin, has killed many times. That's what assassins do. Nothing to lose sleep over. [I was good until this sentence. It's not bad, it's just redundant. I think if we haven't got the idea by now, we're not going to and another sentence isn't going to help. ;)] But this mission is different; she's never killed a whole planet before. [Super idea. I feel like this sentence should be snappier, though. Maybe it's the first phrase I don't like.]

She's seen it happen though, many years ago, when her own home burned on the orders of a young Emperor. The young Shayla watched, helpless but incensed, and vowed revenge.

How many youngsters [This word seems out of place here. Also note the word repetition. Two "young"s in the last paragraph, and "youngster" here.] dream the impossible? And how many think of the consequences? Shayla did more than dream. She started on a long road, a road which she's followed without question, a road which has finally brought her to the Emperor's palace and within reach of her goal. [Not big on the repetition here. The road image isn't strong or unique enough to deserve it. ]

Shayla has planned everything meticulously, except that she hasn't allowed for coming face to face with some of the two billion inhabitants she's about to slaughter. Ordinary people. Not the stereotyped strutting Imperials of her imagination, and not so readily dismissed as legitimate targets or collateral damage. And then there's the Emperor himself. An ordinary man with troubles and dreams of his own. Not the kind of man Shayla can picture giving such an order.

Now she's starting to lose sleep. [On one hand, I think this is really strongly showing your writing style, which is awesome. On the other hand, while the stylistic repetitions might be okay in the story, it's making the query a bit wordy.]

As she enslaves the destructive might of the Emperor's own fleet and launches the final stage of her plan, Shayla can no longer ignore the enormity of what she's doing. On the brink of success, she must choose: To complete her lifelong goal to rid humanity of a corrupt regime, or to heed her own misgivings and trust the man, her sworn enemy, that she's spent so many years pursuing. [There are some super awesome conflicts in this, and you've done a nice job of showing your writing style. I worry that the strong ideas are getting lost under the words, though.]

"Ghosts of Innocence" is a science fiction novel complete at 95,000 words. I am also working on a sequel, "The Ashes of Home". Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Ian Bott

--

#30 (I think I've read this one too. Whoa.)

Dear Jodi:

The details of how it came to be are lost to history, [*flail* It. Please give a proper noun. I want to be grounded right away.] but in the third century, a female shaman or sorceress was the first ruler of a substantially unified Japan. [Is this the "it"? The fact of a female shaman ruling Japan? Okay, that does make my request for a proper noun more difficult.] The YA novel for which I am seeking representation, Making the Sorceress Queen, is my attempt to imagine who she was and how she came to power. [Cool. Slip in a little subtle conflict? "things she overcame to achieve her power" or something?]

The tale is told the voice of the queen's younger brother, Po, [I can see this either working really well, or steal the focus from the queen. Either way, I suspect it's very difficult to do.] who aids in his sister Io in her transformation from country orphan to regional monarch. The siblings flee their home in northern Honshū when their father, a provincial ruler, is assassinated. [I assume they're fleeing because of the assassination and they have reason to believe they're next...] They take with them Po's extraordinary dog, Honschi, and their father's warhorse, Chara, at a time when horses are a rarity in Japan. After some years in hiding, they arrive in Kyūshū, where Io [Is this the future queen? This is the first time we've seen her name.] begins the delicate political dance of playing local rulers off against one another in order to further her own goals. She is a magnificent warrior and a brilliant tactician, and knows how to inspire devotion and fear to help complete her conquest. In her rare vulnerable moments, she is also a young woman deeply scarred by the loss of her parents. Po is one of the few people she can trust, and perhaps the only one who may be able to help her find a measure of peace to go with her power. [I think this one has some good stuff in it, and it's not a subject we've read about a million times. But I also feel it's missing stakes and conflicts. What happens if Io doesn't become queen? What's keeping her from achieving this goal?]

Making the Sorceress Queen is complete at 64,000 words, 200 pages, and sixteen chapters. [We don't need anything after the wordcount. Page count and chapter count means very little.] The novel blends elements that will be familiar to readers of historical fiction, fantasy, and that adolescent classic, the boy-and-dog story. For myself, I was once a fifth-grade teacher, and am presently a graduate student in English literature. I have studied fiction writing with Jim Shepard and Nicholas Delbanco. My short fiction for adults has appeared in The Connecticut Review and is forthcoming in Rosebud. I am also a martial artist, an equestrian, and the owner of the Japanese Akita dog who served as the model for Honschi. Thank you very much for your time and consideration of this manuscript.

Sincerely,

Carolyn J. Dekker

--

How to submit: ( Clicky )

The following BPTP products, protos, and previews will be available at the Black Phoenix Trunk Show at Dark Delicacies on Sunday, November 29th, from 12-3pm:

PROTOTYPE BATH OILS AND ROOM SPRAYS
$25 each
Revenge Room Spray
Lola Montez Bath Oil
Grace Elliot Bath Oil
Champagne Bath Oil

RETIRED BATH AND ATMOSPHERE SPRAYS
$25 each
Lupanar Room Spray
Glacies Bath Oil
Jingu Bath Oil
Zenobia Bath Oil
Tomoe Gozen Bath Oil
Hua Mulan Bath Oil

RETIRED PERFUME OILS
$20 each
Boadicea Perfume
Jingu Perfume
Zenobia Perfume
Hua Mulan Perfume
Ysabel Perfume

PREVIEWS: PILLBOXES
$25 each
Courtesan Pillboxes (Four courtesans to choose from!)

PREVIEWS: THE DISTRICT / MOLLY CRABAPPLE ROOM SPRAYS
Proceeds go to Habitat for Humanity: New Orleans!
$30 each
Gertrude Dix’s
Pete Lala’s Café
Mahogany Hall

GC
Shot Glasses $15 each
Clocket $70 each
Triple Dagger Locket $70 each
Snow, Glass, Apples Locket $75 each
Brimstone Pendant $35 each
Triple Dagger Pendant $35 each
Bat-Woman Card Case $45 each
Triple Dagger Card Case $45 each
Salome Card Case $45 each
Dressed Thus Card Case $45 each
Leather Wrist Cuff $35 each

Where and when is this happening?

Dark Delicacies
4213 W. Burbank
Burbank, CA 91505 U.S.A.

Sunday, November 29
12pm - 3pm

1-888-DARKDEL
1-818-556-6660

darkdel *at* darkdel *.* com


On December 3rd, Dark Delicacies will be celebrating their 15th anniversary! 30% off most items (sale & consignment items not included) in the store… and CAKE! Bring in a new toy valued at $10 or more and get 40% off a single item that day. =)

The four new BPAL Dark Delicacies scents are live now on the DD web site! http://bit.ly/A640O

No easy photo ops today, so I just played around the house. The red cast on Nala's chin is because she's sitting on a red-orange blanket.

( One more )

This morning, instead of sleeping, I was thinking about titles.

I like Erin Incarnate, both as a novel title and a series title. I thought making it a series title would be best, that way, I could have the three books be parts of a song. (One of the other characters writes a piano piece for her and calls it Erin Incarnate. It's thematic!) But, I thought, if it was the first book's title, what would the others be?

I liked continuing with Erin In-something. I sort of liked Erin In Flight, but it made me think of airplanes, even if it did match the butterfly theme. When I discussed this with Christine, who was still awake (at the point she should have been sleeping for a few hours already), we pulled out dictionaries. Yep. Two sleep-deprived chicks with dictionaries and weird senses of humor.

Here are some options we came up with.

Inane
Inanimate
Inaudible
Inauspicious
Inbound (matches In Flight)
Ingrate
Insync
Incandescent
Integral
Invite
Insane
Insect
Incinerate
Indecisive
Inebriated
Infernal
Inquisitive
Incomplete
Inglorious
INCONCEIVABLE
Indestructible
Indignant
Insecure
Insufferable
Insatiable
Indescribable
Indecent
Incredible
Incombustible

Yeah, we didn't decide anything, but we had fun.

Kidlet took her grandmother for a drive today.

( Three more, plus bonus video. )

I have eight invites if you want Google Wave. I think I've mostly sent them already to friends I thought would like them (if I missed you, I'm sorry; I'll get you when the next batch of invites comes in), so these are open to good homes. Leave a comment with your gmail screen name and I'll send one over.

--

Three One left.

All gone!

In North Hollywood, we will be open for the Peach Moon Lunacy Event on Wednesday, December 2nd, from 7 to 10pm.

The address is:

12120 Sherman Way
North Hollywood, CA 91605

If you haven't been here before, it may be a little hard to find. We are in the industrial complex, right behind Game Dude. The nearest cross street is Laurel Canyon Blvd.

We will accept Mastercard, Visa, American Express and cash. Preorders can still be made with Paypal.

Please do not bring any cameras. No photography of any kind will be allowed during this Will Call. Thanks for your cooperation.

***

GA Will Call will be at Whole Foods Market, aka Harry’s Farmer’s Market, in Roswell, GA.

They will be holding Will Call on Sunday, December 6th from 6 to 9 pm, inside Salud (which is inside the store.)

Whole Foods Market is located at 1180 Upper Hembree Road, Roswell, GA, 30076.

They will have all of the current LE’s available, along with their extensive selection of GC scents and all of the Retail-only Salon series as well.

Whole Foods accepts Visa, Master Card, Discover, American Express and cash. They will not be able to accept any preorders.

***

If you bring a new, unwrapped toy to the West Coast Will Call or Georgia Will Call Toy Drives, you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that you’re making a child’s Yuletide that much brighter… and you’ll walk out the door with a Quick Grope under the Mistletoe!

Sorry, only one Grope per customer.
( Read more... )

On Sunday, November 29th, Dark Delicacies will be hosting Black Phoenix’s last trunk show of 2009. We will be bringing back some scents we still have stock of from previous 2009 shows, plus some bottles that we tapped for this event. In addition, there are four new Dark Delicacies scents that will be debuting at the event!

( Read more... )

I saw very few bluebirds this summer, so these two were a happy surprise today.

( Read more )

Okay, I'm reading about the dust-up about Harlequin (the romance writers, y'know) starting their own vanity publishing arm*, and as I go through the comments, every now and then one jumps out at me and breaks my heart into tiny little pieces.

These comments say things like "I know you have to pay to get published..." or "Up until I read this thread, I didn't realize you didn't pay to get published."

Oh sweet god.

You are all very smart people of impeccable taste--or at least, you're reading the blog, so I like to pretend--but just on the slim chance that any of you are not quite as informed on this topic as you could be--NO NO NO NO NO A THOUSAND TIMES NO.

The publisher pays you. ALWAYS. You do not pay the publisher. EVER. It does not cost the author to publish the book. The publisher does all that. They take the book and give you money. The only place you sign the check, to paraphrase, is on the back, is over the little line that says "Endorse here."

You don't pay to get published. The publisher pays you for the privilege of taking your book. You invest time and energy and printer cartridges. The publisher always pays you.

(This is also why you don't hire an illustrator--because the publisher hires them. And pays them. That is how it works.)

It's okay if you don't know this stuff. Don't feel dumb. Publishing is weird and arcane and I still take royalty statements to my buddy Deb and go "What does this mean?" and I still don't understand half of it. You're not dumb. Much of this isn't intuitive. You don't have to take my word for it--find the author resource online of your choice. and ask questions. There is no need to be embarassed.

I have produced...uh...if we count Digger volumes...nine books through four publishers. One of the publishers is a very respectable small press, one is a starting-out-but-getting-there small press, and two are big giant scary publishers with New York offices and budgets bigger than a third world country.

All four of them pay me money. Sometimes they pay me lots of money (at least by my standards, which are quite modest) and sometimes they pay me a couple hundred bucks. The big houses can afford to pay me mondo advances, the small presses can afford to take me to dinner.** This is fine.

The point is, they all pay me. I don't pay them. Ever.

The sum total I have spent on any book I have ever written was about two bucks worth of postage to send out the initial draft of Black Dogs, over a decade ago, and I did buy a decent pen in order to sign copies of Dragonbreath. (And by "decent" I mean like 2.99 for a pair. I am not a pen snob.) Then I lost the pen.

The only times money goes the other way is if I'm buying a couple of copies of Digger--I get free copies of each, of course, but sometimes I want to sell them at cons where Sofawolf's not attending--and in this case, they just slap the wholesale price against my royalties. This is pretty normal, and the only example I can come up with off the top of my head. (Okay, no, wait, I sent a print to my editor once because she wanted a signed art print of the Nurk cover for her office. Technically I paid for that, but I didn't stuff twenties in there or anything.)

I do not pay for those big publishing runs. Authors don't. There's a little under thirty thousand copies of Dragonbreath floating around out there. Total cost to me = $0.

If somebody is telling you that the authors do pay for these, they are either misinformed or...well...you're smart wombats, you can figure out yourself why somebody might have a vested interest in believing that you give people money for this sort of thing and who might not have your best interests at heart.

Now. Self-publishing. This is something else. If you are self-publishing, then you know it up front. (If you have to ask if you're self-publishing, there are problems already.) We can talk about this later and in lots of detail if anybody wants. Self-publishing is great for what it does well. I am a big fan of self-publishing. ( I myself have work in a self-published little anthology that our local comics group puts out every year, as a print-on-demand thing. You can buy it on Lulu, it's got some nice stuff in it, a couple of the members sell the occasional copy at conventions. I didn't buy any of the wholesale copies because I don't have table space in my usual con kit. Cost to me = $0. Profit if I HAD sold them at the table = maybe a buck or two. It's a neat little thing to have, but none of us are making money on it, and it's not a publishing credit I'd take seriously. I could talk about this longer, but we're already running long.) Self-publishing is kinda like merchandising. I would self-publish a webcomic the same way that I would get a run of T-shirts printed, I'd sell them at cons or over the internet, like T-shirts, and I would expect to make approximately the same amount of money.

So. To recap. They pay us. That's how it works. If you are paying them, then something is very very wrong.

If you're self-publishing, things are a little more complicated, but you should really only be self-publishing for stuff that self-publishing is good at. If you want to be a bestselling fiction author, that's not something self-publishing is particularly good at. If somebody tells you that self-publishing is good for that and you can make zillions if you give them your manuscript and a lot of money, they are predators and need to be ridden out of town on a rail.

Vanity publishing, which is what Harlequin Horizons is offering, is a scam. They take your money by the fistful and dangle this promise that if you pay enough, you can be a Real Writer. Well, Real Writers get paid, they don't pay. Nobody is so bad a writer that they deserve to lose money for it. If you just want readers, put it on the internet, if you just want a physical copy, go to Lulu, but please, PLEASE don't believe that writers have to pay to be successful. Please.


*There are lots of posts and comment wars. The fast and amusing one is here. The gist is that they're implying heavily to the marks that this is a Real Book with Harlequin and then turning around and telling their real authors, who are Not Amused, that no, no, it's not, nobody should think that, and the books won't actually be on shelves or anything, we just kinda found a way to make money off the slush pile. It is very sad and makes me very angry.

**And in no way shape or form should you think I'm raggin' on the small presses--I am deleriously glad they exist because a big New York house wouldn't ever publish Digger, there's just not the demand. Small presses aren't small because they can't be big, it's because they publish things where demand is small, but often very passionate. I do not know how many copies of Digger have sold, but I'm sure all for volumes are less than the initial, not-very-large-by-industry-standards print-run of Nurk. That doesn't mean Digger's bad, it's just specialized.

1. Even though I have the overall arcs planned, it still gives me plenty of new things to squeak over. *bounce!* Characters! You are too cute! (Your angst is delicious to me.)

2. Lines like, "That was the first time a dragon had killed him."

3.


Wait, that's a ferret! Oh well. Close enough. (Imaginary post: How stories are like ferrets.)

A few months ago I bought a big chunky gold chain necklace, and I love it-- but realized I wanted something in silver as well.

Last weekend I ran across a necklace that made a bit too much of a statement. It was multiple chains of varying sizes, all mounted together. With a sale price and a coupon, I got it for only $5, and then went to Michael's with another coupon, for a bag of jewelry bits and pieces for $4. This morning I started dissecting and reassembling-- and now I have my silver "statement" necklace, another slightly less bold, and six small chains for my various pendants! Needlenose pliers for the WIN!

Color, shape, texture-- what more could I ask?

( One more )

Remember when I talked about art yarn and mentioned there were techniques for getting results you want, rather than random whatevers? But I couldn't tell you how to do it because I don't make it?

Jazzturtle put up a couple how-tos.

Corespinning.

Autowrapping and coreless corespinning.

Looks like she's got plans for more, but I thought a few of you might like to see proof there's actually a correct way to do it that makes the yarn both artsy and sturdy. (And if you wanted a few more examples of art yarn, skim through the photos on the rest of her blog. I'm not huge with the art yarn love, but hers usually makes me sit up and go, "Oh neat!")

Frosty was out enjoying the sunshine today.

( Four more, plus bonus videos. )

1. Argh! I have 75k to fill up. I don't have nearly enough story for that!

2. Wow, I was wrong. I'm going to fill up 75k exactly. It's going to be perfect!

3. Gulp. This story is much too big. I hope I can fit it into 75k.

4. Repeat step 1.

5. Repeat step 3.

6. Repeat steps 4 and 5 until manuscript is finished.

--

Last night, I reached an arbitrary goal and felt my brain slip from step 3 to 4.

OMC PANIC WOE DRAGONS WOE PANIC OMC!

Yes, ERIN INCARNATE is moving right along.

Hairy woodpecker. It was so quiet today, I heard him fly close to me, and a nuthatch as well-- and they aren't noisy flyers like mourning doves.

( Two more )

Pre-mother-in-law cleaning has begun! She arrives Tuesday, for a week. Whee!

(I love her, really I do-- but the house is a mess.)

Queries: 75
Requests: 0
In my inbox: stuff Jenny is sending

As most of you probably already know, The Rappaport Agency is CLOSED TO SUBMISSIONS, which means this is my last Slush Stats post. (Are you sad? I kind of am.) I will still be doing the Query Project every week, and might bump it up to twice a week sometimes since I won't have regular slush.

I'm still with the agency through the end of the year, helping with the last of the submissions in Jenny's inbox. If you're waiting to hear on something, you should hear before the new year.

So, a couple end of my job stats:

Queries read: 5468
Partials requested: 139
Fulls requested: 25
Fulls sent to Jenny: 9
Authors Jenny offered to: 5 (1 on a full I sent, 2 on partials, 2 on queries -- Jenny read partials and fulls of these)*
Authors who got representation elsewhere (that I know of!): 5 (one of those had 2 mss I requested fulls of and sent to Jenny)
Notes people have sent back (kind and otherwise): 600

Those stats are for about a year's worth of slush, since The Rappaport Agency began. They don't count queries while we were with L. Perkins. Those used a different email system.

*Writers whose work is still being held hostage will probably be going like this about now: O.O These numbers don't quite add up. I know. It's because of the writers who zoomed through with queries and partials. Don't worry. We haven't forgotten about you. <3

--

Query project. My comments are still in [brackets] . As always, I haven't read these yet. These are my reactions as I read them.

--

#27

Dear Ms. Meadows,

Drew McKinney hated living in Pine Ridge, NC. But she liked it a lot better than being dead there. [Hah! Love the first line.]

Local football hero Cooper Finnegan, AKA Finn, is hiding two secrets -- he's completely in love with a girl who can't stand him and he sees dead people. [I'm probably not the only one who thinks of THE SIXTH SENSE when seeing the line "dead people." Just so you know.]

Drew and Finn need to work together to protect Drew from a soul-eating fog and to find a way to bring her back into the world of the living. But can they stop bickering long enough to do it? [Hrm. I really like the idea behind this -- it has a lot of conflict potential -- but I feel like I'm being thrown in with little explanation. Soul-eating fog? How do they get stuck together (aside from him being the only person who can see her), and why do they hate each other? Or is she the girl he's in love with who can't stand him?]

The Smoky Mountain fog covers a landscape rich in ghost stories. My grandfather, a native of a small town much like the fictitious setting of my novel, filled my early years with stories given to him by his mother, stories that still send shivers down my spine. Drew's tale is a lighter ghost story meant to entertain rather than frighten, but I'm still proud to continue this family tradition. [This is sweet, but I'd cut all this and use this space to tell more about your story. This isn't important for me to know when I'm considering asking for pages.]

SHADOW, a young adult paranormal romance aimed at older teens, runs an estimated seventy-seven thousand words. [I, too, am a fan of spelling out words. But you should write the numbers here so a quick skim will see them.] It is a stand alone novel, but I would very much like to continue into a series featuring Drew's future involvement with Shadow.

I write to you because I am attracted to the personal atmosphere of a boutique agency and because my story contains ferrets, which your journal and your twitter timeline indicate you are fond of. Thank you for taking the time to read this query, I appreciate your consideration. Should you wish to read any or all of SHADOW, I would naturally be happy to send it to you. [This paragraph is nice, but notice how all your real life stuff is longer than your story blurb. Think about 200 words for the story, and 50 words for the rest.]


Sincerely,

ladyhedgehog

--

#28

Dear Jodi,

Having fallen in love with the can-do atmosphere and friendly nature of your journal, I was hoping that my novel Pleasure and Death would be of interest to you. Completed at 80,000 words it is a blend of steampunk and sword and sorcery (without the swords, of course; it is set in an alternate England, in 1854 and 1912). [Great opening. (I happen to think swords are appropriate for any setting, though.)]

Doing the right thing is often hard. Sometimes it involves doing the complete opposite of what you want. Lady Matilda Raleigh discovered that 15 years ago when she gave up the life she loved to raise her grandson. It was her daughter's dying wish, and it was Matilda's fault she died. [I like the ideas behind this, but something doesn't sit quite right for me. Maybe it could be punchier?]

Sometimes doing the right thing is incredibly painful, as Matilda discovers when she saves King Edward from the clockwork-powered robot that tries to assassinate him. She loses three and a half fingers, and a part of her thumb, and ends up with her hand amputated. [Okay, I think it might be the structure or the way things are introduced. It's mostly facts about the story and character's backstory, rather than character and conflicts and stakes. I think this *can* work, but in this case, it isn't for me.]

Sometimes doing the right involves doing an act so evil your very soul screams at the injustice of it. When Prince John takes control of the 13 crystal skulls of the ancient Incans, and gains almost God-like powers of invulnerability and unlimited wealth, Matilda must stand against him. She is 72, recently maimed, and critically ill with TB. [This is where it starts getting interesting. You've given us short facts about Matilda, and given her something to fight against in the *now*.] But she has two advantages, the demon possessed revolvers, Eros and Thanetos (Pleasure and Death in Ancient Greek, where the book gets its name) and a plan to stop him. [Good good.]

She summons the demon that has hunted for her for the past five decades and offers it a deal [I just went back to see if the demon was mentioned before. It's really random.] – take her soul now, or sink the Titanic [Where did the Titanic come from?] and take her soul, and the souls of everyone else who goes down with the ship. Matilda knows one thing; Prince John's unlimited wealth comes in the form of the Midas Touch, and when the ship goes down, he will be encased in a solid block of gold sea water.

But what she didn't know was that every sacrifice increases the powers of the demon it is dedicated to, and she has just given the demon, Sephyr, enough power to overthrow Lucifer and perhaps, even, to defeat the angelic host. [This is really interesting. But I'm afraid things seem so random here, it's hard to tell where the story's focus is.]

Matilda goes down with the Titanic, of course, dying as a hero should. [So she doesn't stop the demon from taking over everything?] Further books are planned (each one a self-contained story) telling adventures from other points in her life. [There's some cool ideas in this, but the query is really unfocused and hard to follow.]

Thank you for taking the time to consider my novel.

Chris

--

#29

Dear Jodi,

Getting everything you wish for might sound like a dream, but seventeen-year-old Devon Zanis knows better. [Nice beginning.] Every time she slips up and makes a wish, things go horribly wrong. For example: while bored in history class, she wishes to be anywhere but there … and the school catches fire. [Hurrah things on fire!] Add to that the fact that seeing her ex-boyfriend with someone else makes her damn near homicidal and life is a little too interesting. Things only get worse when, one night after a party, she makes a foolish wish for someone to love her. [Uh oh! Okay, so far I love this. The paragraph is focused and easy to follow, with just enough details to give me strong images. Good!]

It soon becomes apparent that hazardous wishes are the least of Devon’s problems. She’s got one teacher doing his best to freeze her to death (how is he doing that, anyways?) and another who claims she’s the love of his life. On top of that, someone has been creeping around her house at night and she’s pretty sure it’s not to bring her flowers. [Things are looking a little unfocused here. I was looking for more about a love spell gone wrong story, but this paragraph has the same quirky chaos as the first paragraph. (It was good there. Here, the story needs to start focusing.)]

But what Devon doesn’t know just might get her killed. [This transition doesn't quite work for me.] It all comes back to the father she’s never met; the leader of the oldest djinn clan. [This is a fun way for wish powers gone wrong to come about.] The time to acknowledge her as a member of the clan approaches, and there are those who aren’t pleased to have a half breed diluting the bloodlines they’ve cultivated for centuries. Devon’s caught between the proverbial rock and hard place. If she doesn’t go through with the ceremony, she’ll have no protection from those who want her dead, but the price for her acknowledgment might just be more than she’s willing to pay. [Okay, so the story isn't about a love wish gone wrong. It's about her heritage and whether or not she'll embrace it. I think that wasn't obvious from the first paragraph because of the stress (paragraph ender) on her wishing for someone to love her. I think this is a good start, though.]

My young adult novel, DOWN THE WISHING WELL, [Love this title.] is complete at 68,000 words. Sample chapters and a synopsis are available upon request.

Thank you for taking the time to consider my novel.

Sincerely,
Katee Robert
redqueen1

--

How to submit: ( Clicky )

Amazing early morning light on the mountains.

( Two more )

They look a little precarious there since I had to open the door to get a decent picture. A few immediately decided to see how close to the edge they could get before I caught them.

--

A couple days ago, I saw a link to this post from Scott Westerfield, about pace charts using Scrivener (which I use). Cool! I'd often felt I needed something like this, but had no way to describe it without waving my hands or...sometimes I could think about the pacing of a story like the pacing of a song, but nothing ever fit just right, you know? And saying "my story feels like blahblah song" isn't the same thing as being able to se it.

So I did this with ERIN INCARNATE. It's not exactly the same, because I don't have as many chapters as Scott does. (I write longish chapters, even when I'm writing short chapters. My chapters usually have two scenes.) His is probably more accurate than mine because of that, but this is still really darn useful. And if I get bored, I might go through and separate my scenes into chapters to see what happens with my notecards.

It's very pretty and colorful. *g*